Archive for the 'Relationship Follies' Category

1 year, 2 months ago

Why I probably won’t be renewing my Yahoo! Personal’s account

So for the past month I have been paying for my Yahoo! Personal’s account in an attempt to see if the service had gotten any better or see if there were any actual real people using the service. I’ve been keeping track of the numbers and results so far and today marks a full month since starting this experiment of mine. So in total, in the past month since I started using my Yahoo! Personals account here are the results:

1 Spammer
14 Contacted over a month ago, 2 of which deleted their profiles since, of which 12 never responded back with so much as a “not interested”
1 Of which said not interested
1 Who said they had just started dating someone

1 Who contacted me spontaneously (from Riverside)
1 Who IM’ed me spontaneously (from Alabama, see below)

1 Whom I contacted, they wrote back, I responded and they responded back, only to not hear anything from them for 3 weeks since. So not sure what to think. She seems nice and interesting and said she was on vacation at the time of her last response but that was three weeks ago so I sent her a quick note asking what had happened to her. Maybe she just got busy with life, who knows.

The one who contacted me from Riverside seemed nice but Riverside is just too bloody far away from everything I do. School, work, you name it not a single lick of any of it takes me out to Riverside. So that’s just not workable for me. After all I have to be practical about what I am capable of dealing with time-wise and distance-wise and I know Riverside is just too damn far.

Now the one from Alabama who spontaneously IM’ed me. Oh boy, that one has crazy written all over her. She talked to me yesterday and it was the most singularly weird conversation I have had in a long while. I tried to be nice, but I’m not sure this woman got the point that I am not looking to start a long distance relationship anytime soon. Just check out this chat log from yesterday and you will see what I mean. And remember boys and girls, I get to pay Yahoo! $24.95 a month for the privilege of talking to people like the one below. Sweet Baby Jesus.

7:22:44 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Hello…..how are you doing today,? my name is Joyce , just wanted to IM you if we can chat together or what do you think!!!!!….
7:23:26 PM doctorwho21: Hi there, who is this?
7:23:43 PM jen.lasweetbaby: sorry my name is Joyce from Yahoo Personals
7:23:59 PM doctorwho21: oh ok! Sorry, was just a little confused
7:24:08 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Oh….okay
7:24:15 PM jen.lasweetbaby: my name is Joyce
7:24:21 PM doctorwho21: Hiya Joyce. I’m Dan
7:24:35 PM jen.lasweetbaby: and am new member on there , just wanted to Im you if we can chat sometime
7:24:42 PM jen.lasweetbaby: nice meeting you Da
7:24:44 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Dan
7:25:17 PM doctorwho21: Yeah its ok, I dont mind
7:25:27 PM jen.lasweetbaby: okay..thanks
7:25:34 PM jen.lasweetbaby: how old are you ?
7:25:41 PM doctorwho21: But you profile says your in Alabama?
7:25:46 PM doctorwho21: I’m 31
7:26:27 PM jen.lasweetbaby: yes , i just like to chat with someone long way , coz i dont know where we cpuld meet if God to let Us to each other better
7:26:40 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Or dont you want to talk to me since am in AL?
7:27:11 PM doctorwho21: It is nothing personal, but I have done long distance relationships before and I have found out that they have not worked for me in the past.
7:27:37 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Oh….i think god dont want you both to meet each other
7:27:58 PM jen.lasweetbaby: well i do believe in Gods word and i like going to church
7:28:28 PM doctorwho21: Ah ok, well I am not very religious I’m afraid.
7:28:43 PM jen.lasweetbaby: afraid of what !!!
7:29:04 PM doctorwho21: I was just saying that I am not religious
7:29:36 PM jen.lasweetbaby: oh….okay got it
7:29:53 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so dan do we think if God can let Us we gonna be togther
7:30:04 PM jen.lasweetbaby: am just alone nobody and i need someone to make me happy
7:31:19 PM doctorwho21: Right, uhm, I hate to sound down here but I really am in no place to be doing a long distance relationship. I am looking for someone local Joyce.
7:31:56 PM jen.lasweetbaby: well if you say so
7:33:44 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so what do you wanna talk about now?
7:33:54 PM doctorwho21: I don’t think you understand. I am working on a degree right now and have little time for much beyond work, school, and possibly starting a relationship locally. If I was going to be getting into a long distance relationship I would need to be done with my degree and in a better position financially.
7:34:20 PM doctorwho21: Whatever you want to talk about is fine with me
7:34:44 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Thats okay by me and if you think we can ever meet then
7:34:51 PM jen.lasweetbaby: what are you really lookingfor
7:36:11 PM doctorwho21: Well I am looking for someone I get along with and can talk to along with a dash of physical compatibility as well.
7:36:26 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Thats cool
7:36:34 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so can you tell me more about you sometime
7:38:17 PM doctorwho21: I guess, but I really dont see how we would possibly ever meet up?
7:38:40 PM jen.lasweetbaby: how and why do you say such thinggs?
7:40:24 PM doctorwho21: Because its how I see things? Your on the opposite side of the country. I have no idea where I will end up when I am done with my degree but there is a good chance I will remain in California. Hence my prefrence to try and find someone locally.
7:42:01 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so are you saying we cant never meet in person ?
7:46:14 PM doctorwho21: I’m saying that I dont see how it would happen since I am in no position to travel anytime soon. I also hardly know you, not to mention since your profile isn’t complete it makes it difficult for me to know if we are physically compatible either. This whole conversation sounds like someone asking me if I might ever go 2000 miles to buy milk from the store instead of going across the street to the local store, sight unseen. I also mentioned I’m not a religious person, nor am I likely to change my stance with regards to that anytime in the foreseeable future. While I am sure you are a nice person, you are coming on sort of strong and I know very little about you. I would prefer to take my chances locally where I have the ability to easily make plans to meet with someone verses trying to invest time in a long distance relationship that could very easily end up not being what either person wants.
7:47:54 PM jen.lasweetbaby: ohh….
7:47:58 PM jen.lasweetbaby: can i add you?
7:48:14 PM doctorwho21: I thought I already authorized it?
7:48:24 PM jen.lasweetbaby: No
7:48:26 PM jen.lasweetbaby: i dont think so
7:48:28 PM jen.lasweetbaby: you havent
7:49:04 PM doctorwho21: I just allowed it?
7:49:17 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Okay
7:50:32 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so what are we gonna talk about now
7:50:59 PM doctorwho21: Whatever you want, you caught me in the middle of reading for one of my classes
7:51:28 PM jen.lasweetbaby: lol….well i want to know what are you really looking for
7:51:43 PM jen.lasweetbaby: and what type of relationships are you seeking for on here
7:52:25 PM doctorwho21: One second
7:52:48 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Okay
8:01:50 PM doctorwho21: I’m looking for a woman I am compatible with, ideally someone to date and maybe develop into a more serious relationship if I feel comfortable about that.
8:02:29 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Thats nice
8:02:39 PM jen.lasweetbaby: when did you joined this site?
8:04:11 PM doctorwho21: a month ago
8:05:47 PM jen.lasweetbaby: oh….
8:05:57 PM jen.lasweetbaby: and you never met any lady so far /
8:06:04 PM doctorwho21: nope
8:06:13 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Okay then
8:07:34 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so tell me more fof you
8:07:42 PM jen.lasweetbaby: or what doy uo wanna know about me
8:08:39 PM doctorwho21: Why did you decide to talk to me?
8:09:09 PM jen.lasweetbaby: i think you’re looking for a serious relationship right ?
8:09:36 PM doctorwho21: eventually, yes, but I’m not going to jump right into one. I want to get to know someone first
8:10:05 PM jen.lasweetbaby: yes thats what we’re doing
8:11:09 PM doctorwho21: right, but I prefer to meet people in person to make those kinds of determinations. I have had experiences in the past where people online were not what they represented themselves to be.
8:12:04 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Okay,,,,then
8:12:16 PM jen.lasweetbaby: i think we have to add this then
8:14:59 PM doctorwho21: add what?
8:15:24 PM jen.lasweetbaby: i mean end this
8:15:41 PM doctorwho21: the conversation you mean I assume?
8:15:52 PM jen.lasweetbaby: yes
8:15:58 PM doctorwho21: Okie dokie
8:16:38 PM doctorwho21: Good bye
8:16:46 PM jen.lasweetbaby: its okay

Seriously, I just want to meet someone relatively normal-ish who is local and whom there is at least some kind of spark with.

2 years, 8 months ago

Stupid, stupid Dan

Here it is, V-day and I managed to go most of the day without thinking about about any of the alone bullshit and whatnot. Well, except for some chatting I did with Elka and Adrienne but I kept that particular brand of moping down to a minimum I feel.

Then what do I have my iPod and Powerbook beep at me just 2 minutes ago for?

Why the reminder for the wedding in April for the woman who I once had some rather serious feelings for. She invited me to come to it, we stayed friends throughout the years. It would be hard to go, but I feel like I should. Of course last I heard their wedding might be off, but I haven’t heard any kind of confirmation one way or the other still.

I guess there is such a thing as too organized and I just found out the hard way. Ah well. You win some and you lose some I guess.

2 years, 12 months ago

The death of dating and the courting ritual?

This week on Real Time with Bill Maher one of Bill’s guests was author Tom Wolfe. One of the topics covered in their chat was the death of dating as I think many people perhaps my age and older are familiar with. That is to say that a man and a woman get to know each better through a series of encounters a.k.a “dates” is no longer the prime mover of relationships and their associated cousins like the fling or the one night stand.

Bill Maher chats with Tom Wolfe on Real Time
Bill Maher chats with Tom Wolfe (26.5MB WMV9)

Part of the reason for this discussion was because of Wolfe’s latest book “I am Charlotte Simmons” is set in the midst of a college university and goes into some depth about life on and around campus. I can’t say much more about the book because I have yet to read it, but I went ahead and ordered a copy via Amazon and plan to read it soon as it shows up at home here.

Certainly however I feel there is much truth to what Wolfe mentions in his talk with Maher, basically that the courting rituals of dating have in large part been replaced with the “7-minute seduction” Wolfe mentions. I think this has come about because of more herd-like mentality that I see people engaging in over the past years. This is to say that typically, when you go out, its with a group of friends or people whom you trust. Even I am a victim of this mentality at times I admit. However, whenever we do run into someone talking to us or approaching us who aren’t part of our own small group we instinctively view them as outsides and tend to discredit whatever they might be saying. At least perhaps this is how things feel from my own male viewpoint when one is trying to chat up an alluring woman. More often then not when we go out to socialize we aren’t socializing with new people, typically its those we already know thus furthering the insular state of affairs. I wonder if this is a direct effect of all the varied forms of communication that now permeate and bombard us daily, the emails, IMs, blogs, cellphones and personal sites like MySpace or Friendster.

3 years ago

Why some women don’t know what kind of guy they want

So recently on MySpace I saw a prime example of a bulletin that just rubs me the wrong way. Often I will see women on their posting the following bulletin as a supposed insight into the kind of man they want in their life. However, if you read the list critically it just falls apart in my mind and I set about to document what I thought were the major fallacies I saw. My comments in italics after the original bullet from the bulletin. I see this kind of bulletin quite often and reading it I couldnt help but open my mouth and give my thoughts and opinion on this claptrap.

-i’m the guy who will text you every single morning and tell you good morning and every single night to tell you sweet dreams

Me: Right, I dont buy this one. After a few days of this the woman would be complaining to her girlfriends that the guy was a stalker or that he was “smothering” her.

-im the guy who will text you and tell you “i love you and you make me smile” just because

Me: And then the girl will start wondering what you did wrong and are guilting yourself about to make you spontaneously text her that message.

-im the guy who will blindfold you and take you to the beach, let you run your toes through the sand and then make you guess where we are

Me: This is rich, like most women these days would let ANY guy blindfold them. Paranoia and fear run rampant.

-im the guy who will show up at your games (or competitions or meets) without you knowing just to surprise you

Me: Uh, say hellow to your STALKER boyfriend yet again.

-im the guy who will hold you when you crying and wipe away your tears

Me: This should be normal human nature and not something special!

-im the guy who still thinks you’re beautiful with no makeup in sweats and a big tshirt

Me: Well, this is a romanticized explanation for morning wood.

-im the guy who won’t pressure you to do things you dont want to

Me: So instead of stepping up and being a decisive guy you want to date a unsure, flip-flopper of a man who can’t make up his mind.

-im the guy who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren’t feeling well

Me: Once again, this shouldn’t be something special, this seems like basic human compassion.

-im the guy who kisses you on the forehead

Me: What the hell became wrong with kissing on the lips?

-im the guy who doesnt kiss and tell

Me: Right, I’m all for this but all rules are off if the other person starts spreading lies.

-im the guy who actually listens to you when you talk

Me: Once again, this shouldn’t be special, then again unless the other person is being completely boring in which case I think you should let them know your about to get put 6ft under the ground due to extreme boredom.

-im the guy who’s excited all day because im looking fowrward to our date that night

Me: Ahh yes, I’m all excited because I havent had a date in forever! Of course that assumes the other party doesnt flake out of their plans at the last minute.

-im the guy who is content to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more

Me: Sorry, but these guys just dont exist. Period. Women, listen up, us guys we like to have sex. All. The. Time. If we don’t want to have sex then we either are really not feeling that well, got some serious shit on out minds, or something else.

-im the guy who can’t help but smile when you walk into the room

Me: It helps when your naked, or in lingere.

-im the guy whos perfectly content with staying in and watching movies and cuddling

Me: It’s cheaper then going to the movies, god, have you seen ticket prices lately?

-im the guy who won’t lie to you about where hes going or where he’s been or who he’s been with

Me: Unless I know I’m going to be getting an earful of whiney sand in my pussy bemoaning about how dare I hang out with my friends, etc.

-im the guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name

Me: Right, women want a guy who’s so nervous by your presence he’s on the verge of throwing up. That only worked for Stan Marsh in South Park women, and he was a cartoon.

-im the guy who picks you over his friends

Me: Provided you don’t give me a bloody guilt trip any time I want to hang out with my friends.

-im the guy who’s not afraid to tell his friends he loves you

Me: Provided things have been stable for a while and I dont think your going to go all psycho crazy on me.

-im the guy who isn’t always trying to act like a hard ass around you

Me: Yeah, because women just LOVE the guys with weak presence.

-im the guy who doesn’t care about your imperfections and loves you more for them

Me: Sorry women, but if you start doing something harmful I’m going to talk to you about it (i.e. Hey, why did you start smoking? Etc)

-im the guy who will hold you while we watch the sunset

Me: Sure thing.

-IM THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD

Me: Duh, I mean really, this is so fucking stupid. Yeah hi there I want to have a relationship with you yet I DONT WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. Uh, no! Everyone tries to make their partner happy, sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt.

Girls if this is your perfect guy repost this with the title “i want this guy”

Me: Girls, if you are just posting this bulletin because you’re a romatic fool then repost this with the title “I have no idea what I really want from a man”

Guys if this is you repost this with the title “im the guy”

Me: Guys, if the comments on these bullets is who you really are then repost with the title “I am a real man, not some romantic fantasy”

So yeah that is an example of some of the farcicle that is bulletins on MySpace.

3 years, 9 months ago

New Year = UGH

This New Years Eve I went to Jim’s party in Huntington Beach. So lets analyze it!

The Good:
Discovered new Dark Ale from Canada in Chimay style corked Pint bottles called “Terrible”. It rocks!
Got to see friends old and new.
Didn’t get stupid drunk (I don’t care what you say on this one Tim ;P )

The Ambivalent:
Party seemed smaller this year then last year?

The Bad:
I was keenly aware of total lack of attention from the opposite sex. Sucky.
My friend Cynthia whom had said last week she’d come to the party bailed out on coming and text messaged me this bit of information at 7PM. One hour AFTER the party had already started. Claims she is up for a date after I get back from Las Vegas, we will see.

The Almighty SuX0r:
After dropping Alexis off at her place on the way back home my car lost power steering and overheated, the engine temp going into the red. After inital observation of the engine compartment it looked like the radiator hose had developed a small leak. However it was too dark to see if anything else was amiss. I had to sit like a bump on a log at 4AM in the morning New Years Day waiting for the engine to cool down enough that I could haul ass down the offramp and coast my way mostly back to the house before the enginer temp nudged back into red. After looking at the car today one of the serpintine belts for what looks like either the alternator or the water pump came off. I have no idea if the engine is toast from the temperature it had or not. Car was then towed to the local BMW mechanic on a flatbed, which showed up just in time for us to load the car and unload the car all while it was pouring like a sonuvabitch outside. Car was going to have its 100k mile maintenance done after I got back from Las Vegas.

The Family:
My grandfather from Ohio has been here for two weeks now almost. Its been good to have him around. Amazingly enough he hasn’t said a single word about why I’m not seeing anyone. Perhaps he forgot? I dunno, the guy is 85 years old so who knows. However upon arrival from the airport when he saw me within two seconds he said “You need to workout kid”. Sheesh. When I get back from CES I’m going to see what getting a membership at the new 24 Hour Fitness is going to cost me. I do need to start doing something about this. I’m tired of wearing 38/40 inch waist pants.

My Dads Computer:
For those of you who don’t know, every Christmas and/or time my dad goes to Fry’s or Pomona Computer Fair I invariably hear the words “Hey why don’t you help me put XYZ into my computer” or somesuch kind of technical assistance. My fathers PC is a beast of a computer assembled out of an old steel server PC case on whells that we hand modified from an AT standard case to an ATX standard case so its by no means standard or normal. Anyways it has like 6 SCSI hard drives in it plus two optical drives, and two Zip drives and two SATA drives in a RAID 1 mirror. Basically, I’ve been moving all of his older SCSI drive partitions over to the mirrored SATA RAID because the SCSI drives are small and old and starting to show signs of failure (drives occasionally dont register on the SCSI device chain, etc). Anyways Saturday night from 7pm to 7am this morning I was migrating the hardest part of his partitions over to the RAID drive, his Windows XP OS partition. Hell, I want to kill that POS P4 system. I swear to Christ it is cursed. I can run an XP system without having it do wierd things or fail in bizzare ways for almost 2 years now whereas my fathers system always has SOMETHING that isnt quite ever working right. The man has like 800 different things installed on it and its near impossible to tell just what the hell should be running in the background at any time. Anyways after getting that project finally fixed and done it was on to installing the new Dish Network reciever he got after we towed my car today. Turns out the reciever *required* that two LNB feeds were fed into it for *proper* operation.

So we pulled the damnable RG-6 cable through the attic at what time you ask?

12:30 in the MORNING.

And then we had to snake the cable down the wall through the firewall, etc, etc.

Meanwhile, Dan has to finish doing laundry and packing for his weeklong work trip to Las Vegas for covering the CES show for Byte Magazine and TechRevu and he has a MASSIVE migraine and heartburn or something.

Damn I need some oral right now.

And tomorrow I get to take the metro rail from Long Beach up to Del Mar station. Yay.

3 years, 10 months ago

I am crushed.

There is a woman whom I have known for a few years and was good friends with. I had been trying to get to see her for the past few months (she lives out of state and works a lot) because I was trying to see if something I had been feeling was for real or not.

Today I just found out she is engaged to a guy whom she has known for far less time then she has known me.

I feel totally crushed.

I want to shake my fists at the sky and scream.

But I know it wont change things.

She just thought I was harmlessly flirting with her. I was flirting, yes, but with intent.

I would have said more to her, but I needed to see her first to see if what was in my heart was for real.

So she didnt think I was serious. That I didn’t want her.

Now I can never tie this up. Short of her not getting married. Which doesn’t seem all that likely.

I just spent the past hour talking to her about this and explaining things. Apparently she didnt think I was serious about her anymore. Of course I wasn’t, I hadn’t seen her in over 3 years. I was trying to see her to figure out if I was serious or not. Of course now that she is engaged I can’t see if I am serious anymore. Now anytime I see her I have to take all of this unfinished emotional business and lock it away somewhere and hope the lock can hold.

This really blows.

I need some good luck for once with women….but it sure as hell isn’t coming this year it seems.

Sod off fate.

4 years, 4 months ago

Ladies and Gentleman we have a new record…

Original date: Saturday at 7PM

Current date: Talked to her at noon this Sunday to “do something” before 6PM

Action plan: Tried calling home phone at 2PM, got answering machine. Tried cellphone earlier but found out shes having problems with it (Sprint PCS won’t accept her payment for some wierd reason) so not viable option.

Prediction: Won’t hear from her until Monday 1PM.

Predicited reason for flaking: Her mom needed her again for some kind of new crisis. However I also suspect increased sunspot activity might be the excuse this time.

If you know me, do me a favor and don’t ask me about this, thanks.

4 years, 7 months ago

A Cautionary Tale?

So I actually watched some reality television today. This is not something I tend to do, in fact I’ve hardly watched much TV since moving back into the parents house. In any case, I managed to see the last episode of Average Joe 2.

My attempt to sum it up as follows. Premise of the show, one beautiful girl is given 12 “average” looking guys to try and vie for her attention and make a connection.

Monkey wrench is thrown in halfway during the show in the form of a new group of guys competing for the womans attention who are by no means average and more along the lines of handsome/GQ more muscular types.

Anyways by the last episode you had just two guys left, one of the hunky guys and one of the average guys. They go over the last dates the girl has with these two in their hometowns.

Hunky guys date with her seems somewhat light on chit-chat and heavy on the hugging and physical aspects. Girl mentions the guy seems “reserved” and hot that makes the guy more intriguing.

Average guys date with her is pretty interesting I thought. The guy talks a fair amount with her, is rather honest with her I thought. Girl seems quite touched by his words and even cries a bit. They kiss.

So the big decision time comes and she chooses the hunky guy cause her “instinct told her it was right” and that because of his reservedness she goes for him. She then lets down the average guy, cries a bit is seems quite visibly shaken up to let the poor guy down. Just based on the emotional reaction I saw out of her it seemed to me like she was far more attached to the average guy then the hunky guy.

So between ad breaks they allude that the girl has some kind of “big secret” she is remiss to tell the guys.

Turns out she used to be in a relationship with Fabio. Of course this apparently is the straw that breaks the hunky guys back and he takes off from their vacation in Cabo San Lucas with her. So the show ends with the girl alone, in Cabo, with no guy.

Can someone explain to me why the fact she went out with Fabio is a “big deal”? I don’t get it. Additionally I don’t see why she doesn’t just go for the average guy, it seems to me like she had a far stronger connection then she did with the hunky guy. I suspect foul play between the producers of the show and the girl, or there was some creative editing of scenes mayhaps.

Anyways this insight into the bizzare world of “Reality TV” brought to you by Dan.

Oh, and in other news its looking like I may be doing work as an Assistant Producer on a 65mm feature film. More when I know about that, first we have to raise about a quarter of a million dollars which shouldn’t be too hard to pull off.




About the Author

Daniel Spisak

Daniel Spisak was born from the fiery depths of fusion and now roams the pale blue dot known as Earth. I obtained my bachelors degree in Computer Science from UC Irvine at the end of 2007.

I am also involved in technology & security consulting firms as well as being a freelance technology writer. I also contribute to Jerry Pournelle's website and Chaos Manor Reviews. Additionally I am also a freelance photographer as well and you can find my photos either on my own personal gallery or up at my Flickr account or on Zivity.

This blog is one of the main locations where I do my writing, which is then automatically sent to my LiveJournal, VOX, and MySpace accounts. I can also be found on a variety of social networking and microblogging sites like Pownce, Twitter, Brightkite, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

If your viewing this site with Internet Explorer it may not look correct because IE is horrible about following W3C web standards properly or consistently. I suggest you try browsing the Internet with Firefox. It is much better and not as vulnerable to security flaws as IE can be.

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