Humor archive at Daniel Spisak on Technology

Archive for the 'Humor' Category

7 months ago

A cavalcade of cool photos (SFW)

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Categories: Cool, Humor, Interesting, Misc, News and Politics

Disclaimer - Don’t be drinking anything when you scroll to the last photo in this list.

I saw the below photo while scanning through Digg while waiting for some software to finish compiling. I think it is pretty telling as to why it seems so many people these days who are watching the various news networks are not as well informed as they once were. In a nutshell we can blame the proliferation and boosting of importance of fluff/celebrity “news” pieces. Oh yeah, and commercials for making sure you dont die/your dick feels big enough for your ego/buy a SUV/etc.

The reason the public is not well informed

Next up we have a high altitude photo taken from a NASA chase plane of the Space Shuttle Columbia taking off from Cape Canaveral

Here we have a graph of US national debt as a percentage of GDP. Notice the difference in spending patterns of the “new Republicans” verses the supposedly spend-fast Democrats. Just goes to show that sometimes parties change their mantras without people really realizing it. After all, GWB was supposed to be a small government Republican when he ran back in 2000. If we only could have had things gone differently.

I thought this piece of work was interesting because I have seen it used for both sides of debate on wether or not God exists. Atheists look at Nature and marvel at its complexity and beauty that it forms out of the natural laws that man has discovered and began to learn over the course of time. On the other hand, proponents of the existence of God look at something like this and point to it as proof that nature, reality and the whole of being must obviously be the work of a creator.

Ok, last but not least is this riotously hilarious photo from The Onion. I nearly choked on my drink when I saw this and simply had to share it with everyone. Don’t say I didn’t warn you earlier!

1 year ago

It’s as if millions of EMO souls cried out in agony….

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Categories: Humor and Technology Musings

Wait, isn’t that redundant?

Apparently something pretty massive went down at the 365 Main colocation facility in San Francisco at around 1:30pm-ish. More importantly however, this looks like there was a power outage in a large portion of the SOMA district of San Francisco that affected somewhere between 30,000-50,000 people. From what some friends of mine told me there was a total of 6 different blackouts over the course of the last few hours. No word yet on what exactly caused any of this still. Blame chocolate covered manhole covers or the like.

LiveJournal is down! Netflix, down. Craigslist, down. Yelp, down. Technorati, down. Vox, down. TypePad, down.

Yet this is supposedly a AAA-class facility with plenty of online generator backup. Yet all of these major internet websites are down. Why? What the hell happened up there? Did a major transformer in the facility blow or something? Did dickless turn off the containment field or something?

What is even more HILARIOUS is this press release claiming 2-year long continuous uptime just 90 MINUTES before the colossal clusterfuck began. Just to add to the hilariousness of the situation the Onion News Network did a spoof news piece on something similar to this happening that you should all view!

This is why I host my blog and photos on my own server that I have control over and just push updates out to these services. Sometimes even the big guys fuck up their contingency plans.

1 year ago

Why I probably won’t be renewing my Yahoo! Personal’s account

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Categories: Humor, Personal and Relationship Follies

So for the past month I have been paying for my Yahoo! Personal’s account in an attempt to see if the service had gotten any better or see if there were any actual real people using the service. I’ve been keeping track of the numbers and results so far and today marks a full month since starting this experiment of mine. So in total, in the past month since I started using my Yahoo! Personals account here are the results:
—
1 Spammer
14 Contacted over a month ago, 2 of which deleted their profiles since, of which 12 never responded back with so much as a “not interested”
1 Of which said not interested
1 Who said they had just started dating someone

1 Who contacted me spontaneously (from Riverside)
1 Who IM’ed me spontaneously (from Alabama, see below)

1 Whom I contacted, they wrote back, I responded and they responded back, only to not hear anything from them for 3 weeks since. So not sure what to think. She seems nice and interesting and said she was on vacation at the time of her last response but that was three weeks ago so I sent her a quick note asking what had happened to her. Maybe she just got busy with life, who knows.

The one who contacted me from Riverside seemed nice but Riverside is just too bloody far away from everything I do. School, work, you name it not a single lick of any of it takes me out to Riverside. So that’s just not workable for me. After all I have to be practical about what I am capable of dealing with time-wise and distance-wise and I know Riverside is just too damn far.

Now the one from Alabama who spontaneously IM’ed me. Oh boy, that one has crazy written all over her. She talked to me yesterday and it was the most singularly weird conversation I have had in a long while. I tried to be nice, but I’m not sure this woman got the point that I am not looking to start a long distance relationship anytime soon. Just check out this chat log from yesterday and you will see what I mean. And remember boys and girls, I get to pay Yahoo! $24.95 a month for the privilege of talking to people like the one below. Sweet Baby Jesus.

7:22:44 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Hello…..how are you doing today,? my name is Joyce , just wanted to IM you if we can chat together or what do you think!!!!!….
7:23:26 PM doctorwho21: Hi there, who is this?
7:23:43 PM jen.lasweetbaby: sorry my name is Joyce from Yahoo Personals
7:23:59 PM doctorwho21: oh ok! Sorry, was just a little confused
7:24:08 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Oh….okay
7:24:15 PM jen.lasweetbaby: my name is Joyce
7:24:21 PM doctorwho21: Hiya Joyce. I’m Dan
7:24:35 PM jen.lasweetbaby: and am new member on there , just wanted to Im you if we can chat sometime
7:24:42 PM jen.lasweetbaby: nice meeting you Da
7:24:44 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Dan
7:25:17 PM doctorwho21: Yeah its ok, I dont mind
7:25:27 PM jen.lasweetbaby: okay..thanks
7:25:34 PM jen.lasweetbaby: how old are you ?
7:25:41 PM doctorwho21: But you profile says your in Alabama?
7:25:46 PM doctorwho21: I’m 31
7:26:27 PM jen.lasweetbaby: yes , i just like to chat with someone long way , coz i dont know where we cpuld meet if God to let Us to each other better
7:26:40 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Or dont you want to talk to me since am in AL?
7:27:11 PM doctorwho21: It is nothing personal, but I have done long distance relationships before and I have found out that they have not worked for me in the past.
7:27:37 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Oh….i think god dont want you both to meet each other
7:27:58 PM jen.lasweetbaby: well i do believe in Gods word and i like going to church
7:28:28 PM doctorwho21: Ah ok, well I am not very religious I’m afraid.
7:28:43 PM jen.lasweetbaby: afraid of what !!!
7:29:04 PM doctorwho21: I was just saying that I am not religious
7:29:36 PM jen.lasweetbaby: oh….okay got it
7:29:53 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so dan do we think if God can let Us we gonna be togther
7:30:04 PM jen.lasweetbaby: am just alone nobody and i need someone to make me happy
7:31:19 PM doctorwho21: Right, uhm, I hate to sound down here but I really am in no place to be doing a long distance relationship. I am looking for someone local Joyce.
7:31:56 PM jen.lasweetbaby: well if you say so
7:33:44 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so what do you wanna talk about now?
7:33:54 PM doctorwho21: I don’t think you understand. I am working on a degree right now and have little time for much beyond work, school, and possibly starting a relationship locally. If I was going to be getting into a long distance relationship I would need to be done with my degree and in a better position financially.
7:34:20 PM doctorwho21: Whatever you want to talk about is fine with me
7:34:44 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Thats okay by me and if you think we can ever meet then
7:34:51 PM jen.lasweetbaby: what are you really lookingfor
7:36:11 PM doctorwho21: Well I am looking for someone I get along with and can talk to along with a dash of physical compatibility as well.
7:36:26 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Thats cool
7:36:34 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so can you tell me more about you sometime
7:38:17 PM doctorwho21: I guess, but I really dont see how we would possibly ever meet up?
7:38:40 PM jen.lasweetbaby: how and why do you say such thinggs?
7:40:24 PM doctorwho21: Because its how I see things? Your on the opposite side of the country. I have no idea where I will end up when I am done with my degree but there is a good chance I will remain in California. Hence my prefrence to try and find someone locally.
7:42:01 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so are you saying we cant never meet in person ?
7:46:14 PM doctorwho21: I’m saying that I dont see how it would happen since I am in no position to travel anytime soon. I also hardly know you, not to mention since your profile isn’t complete it makes it difficult for me to know if we are physically compatible either. This whole conversation sounds like someone asking me if I might ever go 2000 miles to buy milk from the store instead of going across the street to the local store, sight unseen. I also mentioned I’m not a religious person, nor am I likely to change my stance with regards to that anytime in the foreseeable future. While I am sure you are a nice person, you are coming on sort of strong and I know very little about you. I would prefer to take my chances locally where I have the ability to easily make plans to meet with someone verses trying to invest time in a long distance relationship that could very easily end up not being what either person wants.
7:47:54 PM jen.lasweetbaby: ohh….
7:47:58 PM jen.lasweetbaby: can i add you?
7:48:14 PM doctorwho21: I thought I already authorized it?
7:48:24 PM jen.lasweetbaby: No
7:48:26 PM jen.lasweetbaby: i dont think so
7:48:28 PM jen.lasweetbaby: you havent
7:49:04 PM doctorwho21: I just allowed it?
7:49:17 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Okay
7:50:32 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so what are we gonna talk about now
7:50:59 PM doctorwho21: Whatever you want, you caught me in the middle of reading for one of my classes
7:51:28 PM jen.lasweetbaby: lol….well i want to know what are you really looking for
7:51:43 PM jen.lasweetbaby: and what type of relationships are you seeking for on here
7:52:25 PM doctorwho21: One second
7:52:48 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Okay
8:01:50 PM doctorwho21: I’m looking for a woman I am compatible with, ideally someone to date and maybe develop into a more serious relationship if I feel comfortable about that.
8:02:29 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Thats nice
8:02:39 PM jen.lasweetbaby: when did you joined this site?
8:04:11 PM doctorwho21: a month ago
8:05:47 PM jen.lasweetbaby: oh….
8:05:57 PM jen.lasweetbaby: and you never met any lady so far /
8:06:04 PM doctorwho21: nope
8:06:13 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Okay then
8:07:34 PM jen.lasweetbaby: so tell me more fof you
8:07:42 PM jen.lasweetbaby: or what doy uo wanna know about me
8:08:39 PM doctorwho21: Why did you decide to talk to me?
8:09:09 PM jen.lasweetbaby: i think you’re looking for a serious relationship right ?
8:09:36 PM doctorwho21: eventually, yes, but I’m not going to jump right into one. I want to get to know someone first
8:10:05 PM jen.lasweetbaby: yes thats what we’re doing
8:11:09 PM doctorwho21: right, but I prefer to meet people in person to make those kinds of determinations. I have had experiences in the past where people online were not what they represented themselves to be.
8:12:04 PM jen.lasweetbaby: Okay,,,,then
8:12:16 PM jen.lasweetbaby: i think we have to add this then
8:14:59 PM doctorwho21: add what?
8:15:24 PM jen.lasweetbaby: i mean end this
8:15:41 PM doctorwho21: the conversation you mean I assume?
8:15:52 PM jen.lasweetbaby: yes
8:15:58 PM doctorwho21: Okie dokie
8:16:38 PM doctorwho21: Good bye
8:16:46 PM jen.lasweetbaby: its okay

Seriously, I just want to meet someone relatively normal-ish who is local and whom there is at least some kind of spark with.

1 year ago

Hello, and welcome to Kwik-E-Mart!

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Categories: Cool, Humor and Interesting

Last night on the way home from Culver City down back home I had to stop and take photos of what was causing a ridiculous amount of traffic at Sepulveda and Venice. Turns out that the 7-11 store that was at the corner there was one of the 12 selected to be converted into a “Kwik-E-Mart” convenience store as part of the marketing push for The Simpsons movie coming out on July 27th.

Overall it was pretty badass, you could buy a copy of Issue #1 of Radioactive Man comic books, Krusty-O’s cereal, Buzz Cola, and get “Squishee’s”. Sadly, there was no Duff Beer since the movie is only rated PG-13 and the movie execs apparently didn’t want to associate beer with the movie which is understandable. I took these photos around 9:30PM on a Sunday night and as you can see, the store was packed. It was bananas!

More photos are here

1 year, 3 months ago

If you watch these videos, you WILL laugh!

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Categories: Humor

So first things first, if you havent seen this from me, you should take the 20 minutes you’ll need out of your day to watch this:

http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Matt-Stone-And-Trey-Parker-s-
Universal-Training-Video-3625.html

Next up, fucking hilarious country singer patriotic song, lyrics are NOT safe for work:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cAChVVVZaM

Did you know that AIDS can save you weight?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7935064058166993925&hl=en

Finally, we have probably the most disturbing gay thing I’ve ever seen. This video is not safe for work necessarily. Hell, I’m not even sure its safe for anyone. It just really defies all reason and thought. Nothing explicit is shown, its just massive WTF material.

http://www.ehowa.com/youtubemovie.shtml?movie=-k98bRUOb4g

1 year, 4 months ago

Links and Stories from my 41 open tabs in Firefox

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Categories: Cool, Humor, Interesting, News and Politics

That’s right, I’ve got 41 tabs open in Firefox right now and that’s just for stories and other interesting bits of information I haven’t gotten around to posting in the past week and a half because I’ve been busy with finals or work to some degree. Mind you, I have more than 41 tabs open in Firefox in total right now; the total number is something closer to about 60 something. Having that many web pages open is using 243.7MB of RAM on the system right now so I thought I’d finally dump these suckers into a post so I can clear the cruft out of my tabs.

Dead whale explodes in Taiwan, without the help of explosives:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4096586

Recent analysis of just how fucked we are if a nuclear attack happens in a major US city:
http://blogs.zdnet.com/emergingtech/?p=522

Sony UK boss thinks Americans are “cheap”:
http://www.playfuls.com/news_06695_Sony_UK_Boss_Calls
_the_US_a_Land_of_Cheap_People_to_Justify_PS3_Price.html

An MIT acceptance letter and its resulting response:
http://www.cartalk.com/content/features/hell/Bestof/mit-letter.html

Tim O’Reilly and Doc Searls seem to think they know how to save newspapers, I’m not so sure:
http://doc.weblogs.com/2007/03/24

10 things about software development that had to be learned on the job:
http://www.taylor.se/blog/2007/03/22/top-ten-things-ten-years-of-
professional-software-development-has-taught-me/

The CG Society’s EON film trailer challenge winners, some very impressive work indeed!
http://features.cgsociety.org/story_custom.php?story_id=3987&page=2

A list of things that will take you 50 years to learn, or you could just read it here:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/3716/ebookebook-16-things-it-takes-most-of-us-50-years-to-learn

Human brain is a poor judge of risk….hmmm, sounds like a certain administration I know:
http://www.wired.com/news/columns/1,73047-0.html

Do you like heavy metal music? Then you might be smarter than you think potentially:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/connected/main.jhtml?xml=/connected/2007/03/21/nmetal21.xml

Some good information on Google AdSense ads and how to use them effectively:
http://www.smashingmagazine.com/2007/03/22/google-adsense-facts-faqs-and-tools/

New X-ray imagery of the Sun reveals previously thought impossible acts:
http://space.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn11432&feedId=online-news_rss20

MoveOn pokes a little fun at Stephen Colbert with this parody:
http://falsiness.org/

Tony Snow once abdicated against Executive privilege with regards to subpoenaed testimony of White House staffers:
http://americablog.blogspot.com/2007/03/tony-snow-says-president-must-let-his.html

White House offers up Rove for testimony…just without a transcript, or under oath. Talk about insulting our intelligence!
http://rawstory.com/news/2007/Conyers_Sanchez_to_seek_subpoenas_of_0320.html

The world’s first blue rose, pretty wild if you ask me:
http://www.thestreaming.info/development_crossing/2007/03/the_worlds_only.html

A gated community in Tennessee thinks it has the right to revoke the 2^nd Amendment under its community rules:
http://www.newschannel5.com/Global/story.asp?S=6242822

A Republican from Texas who claims he would “reinstate the Constitution” if elected, sounds interesting to me:
http://rawstory.com/news/2007/GOP_Presidential_candidate_would_restore_Constitution_0321.html

Tech hits wrong key in Alaska and wipes out 38 BILLION dollar fund, hope they had backups:
http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2007-03-20-alaska-data_N.htm?csp=34

NFL tried to take copyright and DMCA too far with Superbowl and now faces breaking DMCA itself:
http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20070320-nfl-fumbles-dmca-takedown-battle-could-face-sanctions.html

Why I love NPR more than ever now that the CPR is trying to kill off Internet radio for the RIAA. Et al:
http://consumerist.com/consumer/riaa/npr-vs-the-riaa-244318.php

Not only do they not have enough armor, but our troops don’t even have the best carbine in their hands. Truly maddening:
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2007/02/atCarbine070219/

Using Bluetooth as a proximity sensor to lock/unlock your OS X laptop:
http://www.technocrat.ca/?p=44

The AppleTV system is looking to be a worthy replacement for aging XBOX Media Center softmod systems:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2391956&perpage=40&pagenumber=9

Free speech case for high school students goes to Supreme Court, looks to divide Bush and his religious right base:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/18/washington/18scotus.html?ei=5124&en=9751776d478fdf0f&ex=1331870400&partner=digg&exprod=digg&pagewanted=print

How to not let your IT department become like Dilbert (good luck):
http://www.eweek.com/print_article2/0,1217,a=203343,00.asp

1 year, 4 months ago

I called it!

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Categories: Cool and Humor

So I recently went off the handle with regards to the news networks unrelenting coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith “news”. After writing that rant I decided to watch The Colbert Report that night and was greeted by validation from The Man Himself, Stephen Colbert in this piece he did lambasting the news networks for their ANS coverage. Check it out below:

Colbert Report goes off on ANS coverage 9MB H.264 Video

All I can say is, Stephen and I are in total agreement on this one. I can’t wait for real news to start getting reported again now that the stupid issues regarding who gets the body have been dealt with.

1 year, 4 months ago

Possibly the most fun you can have working. Ever.

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Categories: Cool, Humor and Personal

Over in the UK there is a television show called Top Gear that concerns itself with cars primarily. Of course that would be an understatement when you realize the three men who make up the show review cars the likes of which start at merely high prices all the way up to insanely expensive supercars and hypercars. The shows format tends to be a review of one to three high end luxury cars followed by them getting some famous actor behind the wheel of a decently priced sedan to see which actor has the best lap time on the track. They also have a tendency to say a $500,000 car is “rubbish” and will speak their mind without fear of the repercussions.

Most importantly however these three guys know how to have a good fun laugh and will do segments in the show that are totally ridiculous or just plain nutters. Below are three video clips from different episodes during the ninth season of the as shown on BBC 4(I could be wrong on this).

Driving a Bugatti Veryon up to 253 mph

H.264 MPEG-4 Video 26MB

Turning a Reliant Robin into a reusable space shuttle

H.264 MPEG-4 Video 23MB

Giant Farm Tractor “Drag” Racing

H.264 MPEG-4 Video 7MB

You will need Quicktime 7.X or VLC to playback these videos. They are well worth the time to download and watch. Great stuff, and some more to come later today.

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About the Author

Daniel Spisak was born from the fiery depths of fusion and now roams the pale blue dot known as Earth. I obtained my bachelors degree in Computer Science from UC Irvine at the end of 2007.

I am also involved in technology & security consulting firms as well as being a freelance technology writer. I also contribute to Jerry Pournelle's website and Chaos Manor Reviews. Additionally I am also a freelance photographer as well and you can find my photos either on my own personal gallery or up at my Flickr account or on Zivity.

This blog is one of the main locations where I do my writing, which is then automatically sent to my LiveJournal, VOX, and MySpace accounts. I can also be found on a variety of social networking and microblogging sites like Pownce, Twitter, Brightkite, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

If your viewing this site with Internet Explorer it may not look correct because IE is horrible about following W3C web standards properly or consistently. I suggest you try browsing the Internet with Firefox. It is much better and not as vulnerable to security flaws as IE can be.