Loading ...This week on Real Time with Bill Maher one of Bill’s guests was author Tom Wolfe. One of the topics covered in their chat was the death of dating as I think many people perhaps my age and older are familiar with. That is to say that a man and a woman get to know each better through a series of encounters a.k.a “dates” is no longer the prime mover of relationships and their associated cousins like the fling or the one night stand.
Bill Maher chats with Tom Wolfe (26.5MB WMV9)
Part of the reason for this discussion was because of Wolfe’s latest book “I am Charlotte Simmons” is set in the midst of a college university and goes into some depth about life on and around campus. I can’t say much more about the book because I have yet to read it, but I went ahead and ordered a copy via Amazon and plan to read it soon as it shows up at home here.
Certainly however I feel there is much truth to what Wolfe mentions in his talk with Maher, basically that the courting rituals of dating have in large part been replaced with the “7-minute seduction” Wolfe mentions. I think this has come about because of more herd-like mentality that I see people engaging in over the past years. This is to say that typically, when you go out, its with a group of friends or people whom you trust. Even I am a victim of this mentality at times I admit. However, whenever we do run into someone talking to us or approaching us who aren’t part of our own small group we instinctively view them as outsides and tend to discredit whatever they might be saying. At least perhaps this is how things feel from my own male viewpoint when one is trying to chat up an alluring woman. More often then not when we go out to socialize we aren’t socializing with new people, typically its those we already know thus furthering the insular state of affairs. I wonder if this is a direct effect of all the varied forms of communication that now permeate and bombard us daily, the emails, IMs, blogs, cellphones and personal sites like MySpace or Friendster.
I’m not in the dating world, but am very aware of the “herd” phenomenon. IMO it works against singles of both sexes.
Usually the group offers a particular role. If yours is being the horny dork, or the screw-up, so be it. You don’t get to pick. When a potential mate shows up, they meet you in that role.
Don’t know what part IM, e-mail, etc. plays in this. I can see it being part of a general relaxing of social expectations. Traditional dating is a fairly specific ritual, sort of like the formal multicourse meal. The herd experience has much looser requirements. Depending on the group, you may not even have to be able to carry on a conversation - just toss out smart remarks here and there. Just as some people can’t deal with all those forks at the formal dinner, some can’t deal with the date situation, so they stay in their group.
Don’t doubt that the 7 minute seductions are taking place, but I think the number of people who comfortably operate that way is fairly small.
Just curious, but do I know you? If not, how did you find out about my blog if I can ask? Thanks for your comments!
We are both members of the LASFS livejournal. I saw your post on the friends list. Mutual friends: hazelchaz, joansteward, colleency. My LJ name is _darkvictory. We have probably not met in person. I have been a LASFS member for 3 years and rarely appear at the clubhouse. Perhaps you know my husband George. He served a term as LASFS president about a year ago.